Are there really ten commandments?

I love the part of this week's parasha where Yitro, Mosses father in law, comes to visit. Yitro, a high priest of Midian, hears about the miraculous events that took place in Egypt led by his son in law Moses. Yitro gathers Moses' wife Ziporrah and their two sons and sets off to find the People. When they arrive Moses greets Yitro by bowing low, kissing him, and then bringing him into his tent so he can catch Yitro up on all of the miraculous events that have befallen him and his people.

Excuse me for a moment here, but this is how he greets his father in law? Not a word, a gesture, anything at all for his wife and children? Now I know that the Torah is steeped in patriarchy and mostly I have made peace with this fact, but come on, nothing for his wife? Not even a hello?

I have to think that there is more going on here then extreme chauvinism. When Moses met and married Ziporrah he was fresh out of Egypt that first time. He had grown up an Egyptian in the palace and had only just found out that he was in fact a Hebrew. He had not yet spoken to God. In many ways he married and started his family before he had truly found himself.

Meanwhile God speaks to Moses, he goes back to Egypt to lead his people to freedom, and becomes truly the undisputed leader of the People Israel. He also develops a strong and intimate relationship with God. This is all while Ziporrah and their sons remain behind with her family in Midian.

The next time Moses sees his wife he is no longer questioning his identity. He is Israelite through and through. Surely seeing her for this first time must be a shock to Moses. While he has been busy connecting with his people he must realize that his wife and sons are absolutely not his people.

I know a lot of people like Moses. They meet their future spouses when the Jewish side of them is perhaps confused. They don't yet know how they feel about or where they fit into this religion/culture/peoplehood of ours and meanwhile they fall in love. As they grow up a bit and perhaps begin a family of their own they begin to re explore or deepen their connection to Judaism. And then what?

I think Moses reaction, actually non reaction, to Ziporrah represents that "and then what" moment. The answer is complicated and different for everyone. Moses and Ziporra do in fact come to terms with their relationship and stay married to one another throughout all of her life. The "and then what" moment does not have to be a bad one. For plenty of people I know they have found beautiful and brilliant ways to make it work. But as it did for Moses, the moment will come.

And what is it with the ten commandments anyway? It is hard, really hard to count the list up directly from the Torah and get ten. Try this. Read Exodus 20: 1-14 as if you have never seen it and try to come up with ten commandments. It's nearly impossible! The rabbis did it and yes it works but you could easily have 12, 13, or even 9 commandments here. We humans like nice, neat, even numbers. Ten commandments sounds better then 12 or 9. The rabbis are good at making the Torah neat when it is messy. But sometimes I think the messiness is the point.

Other interesting things about this parasha:

The revelation. Very mysterious. What is going on here? This is almost too messy to read and understand. This is where the rabbis are very helpful. If you read about the revelation without any commentary it is almost impossible to understand. Yet the revelation is a central tenant in Judaism. It's also very interesting to try to get a visual of the people trembling, the mountain trembling, smoking. Lends itself well to artistic interpretation.

Jethro's advice to Moses was very good. We all need help. No one can do everything by themselves. Jethro is absolutely right. Moses cannot be an affective leader if he is spending all of his time settling petty disputes amongst the people. What responsibilities in our lives can we delegate to other people or just get rid of all together? How can we recognize what our truly important missions in life are versus what we should really not be spending our time on?

Shabbat Shalom.